


When Hearts Unbend

by Nyghtmoon



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2018-12-27 09:09:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12078003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyghtmoon/pseuds/Nyghtmoon
Summary: Kilian Trevelyan and Varric Tethras develop a close friendship but can hearts unbend from past entanglements to find new love?





	1. First Steps

**Author's Note:**

> The start of the conversation is from Inquisition and contains dialog options available in game as well as some additions before breaking off to my own work.

Varric stood from the table moving away along with most of the party, turning their backs as the Commander rose from his seat and ran naked from the tavern.  It had been a good game, well played by all and he had been especially pleased that the Inquisitor had joined them.  They were stood side by side before the fireplace, the flames dancing in reds and golds before them. 

“I’m glad you decided to join us tonight.  It’s too easy to mistake you for the Inquisitor,” Varric said as he turned towards the man stood beside him. 

“You’re mistaking me for me? How much have you had to drink?” the dark haired man asked with a laugh.  

“It’s easy to forget you’re not just an icon or a symbol, like those statues of Andraste holding bowls of fire. At least it is for me,” Varric replied as he looked up to the man and smiled slightly.  He was about to ask if he was up for another game when he heard the man sigh a quiet sort of sigh. 

“I was Kilian Trevelyan before I was the Inquisitor.  I still am him, beneath it all I suppose, though sometimes it would seem that he is lost, even to me,” came the half whispered voice of the Inquisitor.  

“I. ..  didn’t mean that. . . It is just that you seem so, well, large,” Varric said, trying to explain things.  Perhaps it was just easier to think of him as the Inquisitor and not a flesh and blood man.  

“I am larger than you, Varric,” Kilian replied with a laugh, as if trying to hide behind humor.

“Not exactly what I mean Inquisitor but, point taken.  You up for another game when this is all over?” he asked and looked up, caught by the piercing blue of his gaze. 

“Every time I play, I increase the odds of winding up like Cullen,” the reply came with a slight smirk. 

“You’re never more alive than when you are about to lose your pants, my friend,” Varric teased. 

“That, entirely depends on why one is losing their pants.  I will think about it Varric and I do wish you would call me Kilian.  It would be nice to hear my own name for once,” the Inquisitor replied as they turned to walk out of the tavern. 

Outside the air was crisp, the sky above a dark blue, almost black velvet, the stars twinkling against the inky backdrop and the thin crescent moon shown down a pale silver blue light.  Their breath came out in little white puffs as they both stepped out of the warmth of the tavern side by side.  It was quiet for a moment as they walked together, neither of them really feeling a need to break the silence right away.  It was nice to just enjoy the evening, their cheeks still flush with the warmth of the fire and drinks.

“So, that story about your Aunt and the opera?  You really don’t mind if I borrow it?”  Varric asked as his boots crunched along on the gravel. 

“Consider it yours Varric.  I would be honored if you would use it for one of your stories, though, I do not think my Aunt will forgive me for it,” Kilian said with a laugh.  He wanted to tell Varric he could have more than just the story but he had no idea where to start for one and then, there was Bianca.  

“Well, I will change the names of course, and possibly that it was in the Freemarches as well, you  know to protect the. . . not so innocent.  How about a drink?  You and I, we don’t really get the opportunity to talk much and it might be nice to get to know you a bit more, outside of being Inquisitor I mean.  I will need to spend time with you, if I am to give you a proper nickname after all, Your Inquisitorialness,” Varric chuckled. 

“Just so long as it isn’t something like Curly, or Ruffles and I think, I might like that drink, Storyteller,” Kilian joked back, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.  Drinks with Varric sounded almost too good to be true.  It wasn’t that the man was a writer and a well, known one at that, it was how loyal he was.  It had taken him some time to work out who the real Varric was, the man beneath the stories and the man’s claims of being a compulsive liar.  Problem was, he liked Varric, probably far more than he should.  

Varric gave a deep laugh as he looked up at the dark haired man beside him and shook his head.  “Well, I can’t call you any of those names, they are already taken.  Don’t worry, I will find something equally charming for you,” Varric retorted.  

“That, my friend, is exactly what I am afraid of.   I wake up with a case of terrible bed head and you start calling me Fluffy or something,” Kilian said with a smirk.  

“Well come on then.  I have a bottle of good Antivan brandy we can crack open,” the dwarf said as he turned towards the main keep. 

Kilian stood for a moment not sure if he had actually heard the man right.  Drinks now and in Varric’s room it would seem?  His heart pattered in his chest at the very thought and it took him a moment, the dwarf had continued walking without him.  Shaking his head to clear the thoughts from his mind, he walked briskly to catch up.  

“You meant now?” the question came as he caught up. 

“Well, unless you have somewhere else you need to be,” Varric responded as he glanced up at the man.  

There was a subtle shake of the man’s head and they continued on in silence for a bit.  Not an awkward silence but a comfortable one, where neither felt the need to speak of trivial matters.  It was pleasant actually, no demands or requests.  No need to appear as anything other than what they really were.  It was almost as if they were each shedding the public identities as they went, both exposing a bit of who they were beneath those personas and attempting to see how the other might react.  It was like the awkward first steps of a dance really in some ways.  

“Here we are then, Chateau Tethras.  It is a bit messy, just move some of those papers and have a seat while I find us some glasses,” the dwarf said as he opened the door to his room once they had arrived.  

Varric stood in the hallway, his hand splayed against the wooden door, holding it open for the other man.  Kilian stood for a moment before sliding past him and into the room.  It was a cozy room with a few comfortable chairs and a table in front of the fireplace.  A cabinet stood against one wall, lined with books and Kilian could not help but wander closer to take a look at the titles.  He could hear Varric make his way to the fireplace and stir up the smoored fire with fresh logs to light the room before he closed the door to the light hallway, the room cast in the soft glow of a warm fire.   

“You have a great deal of literature here, some very impressive titles,” Kilian said.  

“Huh, you should have seen my collection before.  This is really rather minor a few of my favorites.  Take a seat anywhere and I will get the brandy,” Varric said as he made his way to another cabinet.  

Kilian looked about the room, his eyes catching on the bed and he swallowed thickly before pulling his gaze away from it.  While Varric had said anywhere, he highly doubted that he meant there.  Moving then towards the two chairs that sat before the fireplace, he couldn’t help but chuckle as he saw the papers strewn about, the familiar handwriting of the dwarf obvious upon the pages.  

“Writing more for Swords and Shields?” he asked as he bent down to pick up some of the pages scattered about on the chair.  There was a mumbled reply but Kilian didn’t quite catch what the other man said.  

“I have not really known you  
You are just another friend  
But as I get to know you,  
I let my heart unbend.

I can not help my heart past,  
Of loves that only make me cry  
I have to forget my first love  
and give love another try,”  he read from the page and looked up to find Varric standing before him a glass in each hand.  

“Ah, that,” the man said and paused as he swept a few pages on the table to the side and set the glasses down, “is just a little something I had rolling around in my head.  Nothing special really.”

“Varric, it is very good.  I think it is really lovely, finding love after heartbreak.  Hope is a powerful thing.  It gives us strength when we feel we have none left.  Well, if it isn’t for Swords and Shields, I know a certain Seeker who might be a bit disappointed,” Kilian said with a half grin. 

“Ah, well we can’t have that now can we.  I will come up with something to keep Cassandra entertained.  That though, that is a bit more personal,” Varric responded as he gently took the page away and moved to put it with the others as he collected them up and set them on his desk.  

Kilian watched him as he moved across the room to the desk, his eyes lighting on the crossbow sat in the corner.  Bianca.  To be quite honest, Kilian had not liked the actual woman when he met her and even less after the trip to Valammar.  He had been civil as he could for Varric’s sake but she had been the leak.  She was the reason that Corypheus had access to red lyrium in the first place.  Or at least the reason he had knowledge of where it was easy to find.  He didn’t want to bring it up though and tore his gaze away from the weapon to find Varric standing in front of him, brow arched as he looked up at him.  

“Sorry, just lost in thought for a moment there, thinking about your next book and what you might write,” Kilian said with a casual grace.  

“You were looking at Bianca.  It is ok, I do that a lot these days as well.  Care to share your thoughts?” the dwarf asked as he moved to one of the chairs and sat down. 

“You would not like what I would say.  I think it best we leave that subject alone,” Kilian said as he moved to the other seat.  

“Fair enough, I have not particularly liked what I had to think on the subject myself.  I appreciate that you are trying to spare my feelings though,” Varric said as he cast a sideways look at his companion.  

The fire crackled pleasantly, casting shadows that went merrily dancing about the room, chasing the warm, golden glow.  They shared in the brandy and in conversation, debating theology and literature.  There was warm laughter and silent pauses when the only sound was the pop of the wood as it sent sparks up the chimney as they each sat contemplating the other.  It was an intimate feeling and Kilian longed to tell the other man he was worth so much more than he gave himself credit for.  Varric deserved better than the on again, off again dalliance Bianca offered when the mood struck her.  Kilian felt languid and peaceful at the moment, reluctant to finish his drink as it would mean an end to the evening.  

“Right then, best take that from you,” came a voice through the fog and he blinked blurrily to find Varric standing before him, fingers brushing against his hand as he took the glass from him.  

“You nodded off there for a moment and nearly poured brandy all over your lap,” Varric said with a chuckle.  

“Mmm, sorry about that.  It isn’t the company you know.   Brandy and a warm fire will do that to a man.  Thanks for the drink, and the conversation Varric.  I have truly enjoyed this,” Kilian said as he got to his feet, swaying a little.  

“Easy there, you fall on me and I get the feeling we will be staying on the floor,” Varric teased.  

Those words sent a rush of heat through Kilian as he imagined falling onto the man, lips pressed together, legs entangled as they exposed skin to one another and the golden caress of the firelight.  He shook his head quickly, cheeks flushed and he mumbled a quick apology as he made his way towards the door.  As he did, he found the broad hand of the other man splayed against his lower back and it made his mind reel.  

“Well then, since you enjoyed this so much, come back again tomorrow.  It is always a pleasure to sit and talk with someone with as fine a mind as yours,” the dwarf said as he carefully guided Kilian to the door.  

“Now, how can I resist such a compliment?  I will be back tomorrow and this time, I will bring the drinks as it would be only fair,” Kilian said as he stepped into the hallway, leaving the cozy little room behind.  

They bid one another good night and the Inquisitor made his way to his own quarters, his head spinning with the amount of brandy they had consumed as well as the path his own thoughts kept taking.  His hand had been so warm against his back, his words so kind and that deep voice a soothing rumble.  He would definitely return the next night and the night after that if he was asked.  It was the first steps to a deeper friendship. Even if he never had any more than that, he would be torturing his heart nightly for a few moments of genuine friendship.


	2. Admissions

The day had been uneventful and it had been slow. Agonizingly slow for Kilian given that all he wanted was for night to fall so he might find himself once again in the company of Varric. How many times had Cassandra asked if he was paying attention? He knew he needed to focus and he certainly did his best to attend to all the matters at hand. There were scout reports to read and letters to be answered, none of which involved Varric. Though, he was tempted to call on him to help him answer a few of the letters. Some of the communications deserved to have the dwarfs particular brand of humor as a response. 

Still, the day had ended and he had gotten through it. Now, he was walking to the cozy little room once again, a bottle of wine in his hand. As he stopped before the door, he raised his hand and paused. It was simply a drink among friends. Nothing more, he had no reason to be nervous and yet, his palms felt sweaty. He dropped his hand back to his side and stepped back thinking of leaving. He had agreed though and if he didn’t turn up, surely it would give Varric the impression he didn’t care. What was there to be afraid of? If he were honest, it was that he might say something and damage the friendship they had. 

He was being foolish and making excuses for himself. Stepping forward again, he raised his hand to knock on the door and as he brought his knuckles down, he missed. He blinked startled as he found himself looking at the open door, Varric stood the other side looking up at him, just as startled to see him attempting to knock on the door. 

“I was just about to come looking for you, make sure Ruffles, Seeker and Curley were not detaining you too long. I know how they can get, especially the Seeker. Woman is like a half starved mabari hound with a bone sometimes,” Varric said with a chuckle. 

“Well, that may be true but at least she is on our side. No, I had some trouble selecting a wine,” Kilian responded as he held the bottle up. 

Varric reached out and took the offered bottle from him, making a noise of approval as he read the label. The dwarf stepped back to allow the other man to enter and made his way to the table sat between the two chairs before the fire. There was a plate with a variety of cheese and fruit sat there along with two glasses. Kilian stepped in and closed the door softly behind himself before his gaze swept over the room. The papers that had been scattered about the previous night had been cleaned up and put away, the bed was neat and tidy, the pillows fluffed up. 

“You cleaned,” he said absently. 

“Well, I didn’t want you to think I actually lived like that you know. You might think I was some sort of crazy author, sitting up in the middle of the night scrawling down ideas,” Varric responded. 

“Well, I liked the lived in look and I hate to point it out, but you are an author and you stick around here and seem to like my company so you might be onto something with the crazy as well,” Kilian teased good naturedly. 

“You, liked the papers scattered around? Well, shit, if I had known that I would have scattered more about. I can fix it now if you like,” the dwarf teased back. 

“Not after you went through all the effort of cleaning on my behalf. Just, next time, don’t feel like you have to do anything special for me. It is you I came here to see, not your room,” Kilian responded as he moved to sit in one of the chairs. 

“Oh, but it is such a nice room. I could give you a tour,” Varric responded as he moved to sit in the chair opposite him, pulling the cork from the bottle of wine. 

Kilian flushed, his eyes moving about the room and once again lighting on the bed in the corner. He could feel the heat creeping up his neck and down into his belly. Sitting beside the bed though was Bianca, the wood stock of the crossbow gleaming in the firelight. He made a noise in the back of his throat as it felt as though cold water had suddenly been tossed on him. It drew Varric’s attention and he could see the man’s brows knit in concern. 

“Cheese. Got stuck,” he lied quickly and thumped his fist against his chest. 

“Well, next time try not to get so excited you breath the food in. I would not want to explain how you ended up choking in my room,” came the response. 

They both fell silent then, eyes meeting for the briefest of moments before they both looked elsewhere. Was it foolish? Had there been a look of want in the other man’s eyes? Surely not, surely he was deceiving himself. It felt too much like he had wanted to see something and so he had. 

“Well then, what was the big discussion today about?” Varric asked as he reclined in his chair, crossing his ankles. 

“Orlais? There was talk about heading to Orlais for. . . uhh. .. a mission,” Kilian said as he ran his fingers through his dark hair nervously. He honestly could not remember the details, which would likely earn him that oh so familiar eye roll and noise from Cassandra. Sometimes, he felt like he was a pawn being shuffled around the board and his own thoughts or feelings became so jumbled up he couldn’t tell what thoughts were his and what belonged to others. 

“Uh-huh. Sounds like you have that one all figured out then. Is it my turn to ask how much you have been drinking?” Varric said as he looked carefully at the other man, concern in his warm, brown eyes. 

“Not nearly enough to be honest. Don’t mind me, just feeling a bit out of sorts I suppose. I never asked for any of this and yet, here I am. Believe me, I would much rather be tangled up with. . . someone,” he said as he picked up his glass and drank deeply. 

“Wouldn’t we all? Anyone I know?” Varric asked, his eyes curious, searching. 

“Don’t you know everyone?” the dark haired man teased, hoping to avoid the topic. 

“Just because I say something doesn’t mean you should believe me. I know a lot of people I suppose and, I am sure one or two who would return your sentiments,” came the response with a chuckle. 

It seemed Varric was not going to press the issue exactly but there was still a note of curiosity in his voice. Was he still just asking or suggesting there was someone who was interested? Kilian felt a brief flood of warmth as he considered the possibility that Varric was asking for a more specific reason. He shoved that thought aside quickly as the name Bianca rose in his mind. There was no use imagining something that could simply never be. 

“Anyway, it seems we are leaving to go to the Winter Palace as soon as can be arranged. It seems that we are needed to stop events that could bring Orlais to Corypheus. Lots of political intrigue, assassination plots, peace talks that I suspect are not really peace talks but moves in the Game,” Kilian said as he turned his gaze to the fireplace. 

“The Game is no joke Kilian. It is very serious and often deadly. Every word can have consequences. Listen to Josephine, follow her advice and keep in mind that most of these people have been playing the Game for a very long time. They are masters of deception and most of them will just as soon stab you in the back as look at you. I don’t like this,” Varric responded before taking a drink of his wine. 

“Don’t worry, I am sure I can behave long enough to get through this. Besides that, I will have Cassandra there and she is the hero of Orlais, so that has to be helpful.”

“Not as much as you might think. The Seeker is a brave woman, a good fighter and yes, the hero of Orlais. She also has as much political finesse as a barrel full of gatlock powder. Leliana and Josephine are who I would count on for negotiations and political advice. I guess I should start packing?” Varric asked as he looked to the other man over the rim of his glass. 

“Not on this one Varric. I need,” he started and paused, trying to order his thoughts. “I need you here, to keep things organized and running smoothly. I trust you with making sure things here don’t go all pear shaped.”

That was part of it, the other part was he didn’t want to risk something happening to him. Varric was far too valuable to him and if things went wrong, he didn’t think he could bear to have something happen to the dwarf. He was going to miss him and more than just a little bit as well. He could see that Varric was none too pleased with the request. 

“You know, I am not exactly good at keeping important buildings standing,” he said in an offhanded remark. 

“The Chantry was not your fault. We are not going to get into that discussion right now though as it has nothing to do with my reason for asking you to stay behind,” Kilian said with a sigh. 

“Still mad at me for having told Bianca then?” came the question. 

“No Varric. I may be disappointed in Bianca for just giving away the information like she did, even if she claims it was for a good cause, but I am not in any way upset with you. You care for her and you trusted her. I am asking you to stay here because I know you won’t let things go to shit and I will at least get interesting and colorful reports,” Kilian teased, hoping to lighten the mood. 

“You could have just said you wanted me to write something for you. Alright, I understand and I will do what I can. Just so long as you are telling me the truth,” Varric responded, meeting his gaze. 

It was the truth, at least in part. Varric was certainly very capable of keeping an eye on things and the reports would certainly be detailed and likely very colorful in their wording but it wasn’t the only reason. It was perhaps selfish on his part and even perhaps not fair to Varric, but he didn’t think he could stand risking him. Now that he really let those thoughts roll through his mind, he felt even guiltier. It was because he cared for the storyteller, because he did not think his heart could bear it if anything happened to him when he could so easily prevent it. 

“I trust you. I mean, not that I don’t trust the others. It is just that you. . . are.. . capable,” Kilian responded, hiding himself behind the glass of wine and drinking deeply. 

“Capable? Shit, can’t say I have ever been called that. Capable? Really? Is it my jokes?” the dwarf asked as he watched the man. 

“What? No! I love your jokes! Makers hairy ass Varric, sometimes your humor is all that keeps me sane, if I can still be called that at this point. This is not about not wanting you! I mean, with me. On the trip,” the response came out all at once and Kilian felt his cheeks heat up. He rubbed absently at the back of his neck hoping he had not said too much. 

“You still like my jokes, either means you are as sane as the come or, well, I don’t think you are insane. Not completely anyway. Just, don’t go being a hero,” Varric said as he stared into the dancing flames of the fire. 

“Nah, nothing to worry about there. As you have pointed out, we don’t need a hero, we need a miracle. Don’t think I am really the hero type anyway,” he joked, feeling on slightly more familiar territory. 

“What you are, is a bloody idiot. You best be taking Sparkler and he will be given a very strict set of instruction that he is to bring you back here. If you . .. you know, I will have him march you back here so I can. . . . Just come back,” Varric said, his voice somewhere between flustered and irritable. 

“Careful, people might think you care,” Kilian said, though his heart was in a tight knot. 

“You really are a bloody idiot! I do care you and you damn well know it. Do you have any idea how important you are? The whole of Thedas is counting on you and you are making jokes about it. For once, I don’t think humor is going to cover this one,” Varric half shouted at him before falling into a low grumble. 

Kilian felt his heart clench, soaring as he heard him ask if he knew how important he was only to have it crash down as the dwarf talked about how Thedas needed him. He had dared to think for the briefest of moments that it was the blonde dwarf he might have been important to. He drained the rest of his wine glass and swiftly poured another for himself and topped up Varric’s while he was at it. 

“Yeah, I know that. Humor is what I have left to me though. Look, I will be careful and I will come back. Thedas isn’t going to lose it’s Inquisitor,” he said, his voice sounding far more bitter than he had intended it to. 

“Kilian? Humor isn’t all you have. You have friends, people who care about you. People who want you to come back for other reasons as well. Just, don’t go forgetting that. I would miss you and your humor,” Varric said softly, so soft in fact that Kilian was not sure he had heard correctly. 

“Are you saying you would miss me?” he asked bluntly, his blue eyes fixed on the warm brown pools of the other man. Hope was fluttering in his chest like a moth at a flame. 

“Damn it man! Of course I would miss you if. . . . I am going to miss you,” Varric blurted out, his cheeks flushing ever so slightly. 

“I am going to miss you too. I promise, I will come back to you and in once piece if possible,” Kilian responded and he reached out to lay his hand on the other man’s arm. 

He was surprised as Varric brought his own hand over his, trapping his hand against the warmth of the other man’s arm. Heat bloomed in his belly, spreading up his chest and neck and down his thighs. The weight of Varric’s hand over his own was almost blissful. They sat there in silence for a moment, gazing at one another when a log on the fireplace gave a soft pop and the spell was broken. The hand slid away from on top of his own and Kilian leaned back, withdrawing his hand from the dwarfs arm. 

“Getting late,” Varric said in a rather husky voice. 

“Yes, I suppose it is. I should go,” Kilian replied but made no move to leave. 

“I suppose you should,” the other man mumbled, though he made no move to get to his feet either. 

It was several moments as they both sat watching the fire in companionable silence when they both turned and started to speak at the same time, causing them both to chuckle. Varric waved that his companion should go first before downing his wine. 

“Right, so I suppose this is goodnight. I will come back. I promise Varric,” Kilian said as he got to his feet. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep Haaan. . . Happy,” the response came almost immediately. 

“Happy? Yeah, not crazy about that as a nickname. Might have to keep trying. Besides, me coming back is not really a promise, more of a threat,” he said with a smirk as he got to his feet and made his way towards the door. 

As before, he found Varric’s hand resting against the small of his back, guiding him to the door that would take him away from the cozy room and it’s occupant. He didn’t need the help this time but he wasn’t about to complain either way. Stepping out into the hallway, he felt the light pressure ease from his back and he turned back to smile at Varric. 

“I will find a nickname for you yet. Go on, I imagine you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow,” Varric chuckled and shook his head.

Kilian stepped away and took a few steps backwards down the hall before turning and making his way to his own quarters. Was it too much to hope there was a chance for something more? Was it friendship and nothing else? Their quiet admissions seemed to hang like an unanswered promise. He would have to come back to find out if it was more. It might prove to be a long night yet, the blonde dwarf lingering in his dreams.


	3. Rain, mud, shoes and bears!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trip to the Winter Palace is less than enjoyable, though a letter arrives from the keep.

Kilian had set out from Skyhold on a pleasant enough day, the entourage around him in fairly good spirits. Leliana had been at his side, chatting about what to expect at Halamshiral and shoes. Actually, she had talked more about shoes than anything but still, it had helped to keep him distracted. It had been hard not to keep looking back as they rode but after the first dozen times and the fourth noise of irritation from Cassandra, he had managed to keep his eyes on the path before them. He simply held the image of Varric stood on the battlement walls watching tucked away in his mind to recall later.  
  
The first three days of travel had been fair weather and then, rain. Two sodding days of rain and mud had left everyone in rather gloomy moods. Kilian squelched through the camp towards his tent and thrust the flap aside before making his way in. "Damn mud is everywhere. Damn rain is just making an already messy situation even worse. I swear, by the time I get there, I will not have a single thing that isn't covered in mud. That should make quite an impression on the Orlisians," he groused to himself as he wiped wet hair out of his eyes. Dropping down onto the cot, he started to pull his boot off when he heard someone clear their throat and call out to him.  
  
Standing up, he made his way back to the tent flap, the boots squishing rather uncomfortably. Pulling it back, he found Leliana standing there a slight smile on her lips, red hair plastered to her head and a raven perched on her shoulder. "The mud is rather. . . prevalent. Might I come in for a few moments? Not that I expect to be any dryer," the woman asked in her soft, lilting voice.  
  
"Yeah, just try to leave the mud outside, just had the place cleaned," he responded and stepped back to let her in. He was teasing of course but she looked at him a moment then down to her shoes and back to him again almost sheepishly.  
  
"I think the mud is just going to have to come with me. I do not have any shoes to change into other than those for the ball. Oh, you should see them though! I am of course hoping that they are still in fashion. You would not believe how quickly fashion can change in Orlais. Did I tell you about when they were actually putting live birds in their hair? Oh what a mess that was! Fortunately, that did not last very long. Anyway, I am starting to ramble a bit," the woman said as she rubbed her arms to dispel the chill.  
  
"The mud was a joke Leliana, relax. I am sure your shoes for the talks at Halamshiral will be fine. Now, what can I do for you?" Kilian asked, hoping to turn the topic away from the talk of shoes.  
  
"Oh, it is more what I can do for you. Baron Plucky just arrive but a few moments ago with word from Skyhold. It is addressed to you personally so I thought it might be something you would wish to see," Leliana responded and held the sealed letter Varric on the page. He skimmed the first paragraph quickly, almost forgetting that the Spymaster was still stood in his tent.  
  
"Inquisitor? If it is news from Skyhold, should I summon the others?" she asked, drawing him from his thoughts.

"No, no things are fine there from the look of it. It seems our dwarven friend is bored without our company and has written to update me on things. He asks if Sera is behaving, we can tell him she is. . mostly. Other than that, it is nothing I think I will need a council for. Go on back to your own tent and try to get dry and get a little rest. If there is anything needed though, I will summon you all myself," he responded as he folded the letter for the moment. It was more of a letter from one friend to another than an official report that needed to be gone over with his councilors. The red head smirked at him slightly but said nothing further on the subject. 

He had only just seen her out when he turned back away, opening the letter again to read the contents. 

_Inquisitor,_

_Skyhold still stands! Rather miraculous if you ask me, considering the current state of affairs with things in Thedas. The first few days were not so bad, the sun was out and people seemed content to go about their business. Since the rain came in though, they have been inside and right now, I would give anything for a glass of brandy and some quiet conversation with one of my favorite people. You are missed here and by many. Tiny has been particularly off his usual banter, though I think that has more to do with Sparkler not being here in truth._

_I imagine if we are finding the rain rather confining, you must be finding it a damn sight more miserable, so I suppose I shouldn’t complain. I am sure our favorite Seeker is in about as foul a mood as the weather seems to be at this point. That is likely to only become more so the closer you get so mind the humor with her, it probably won’t help. The Spymaster should be in good spirits though regardless and Curly will be pretty much as he always is. Don’t let him get in any games of wicked grace though. It is a considerably longer trip back with no pants. We do need another game when you are back though._

_So, while you are gone and I am unofficially managing things here for you, do I get to use your room? The view from up there is quite amazing and the bed looks positively luxurious. Not that I tried it out of anything. Just thought I would see to things up here, make sure that it was in good order for you. That and well, to be honest, I miss your humor among other things and it made it feel like you are not quite so far away. Not that you have been gone all that long._

_I am hoping this mission of yours does not take too long to be honest. That is the fourth interruption I have had while writing this. Oh, just letters and such coming in. Reports from the field, rifts, demons, help with this thing, help with that, you know the usual it would seem. Makes me appreciate Ruffles all the more. Oh, there is one letter here I found interesting, something about a rather large bath arriving soon. Something Ruffles had commissioned it would seem._

_Well, I think that about sums up everything going on here as it has been surprisingly quiet in general. That may be in part because Sera is with you and not here to cause trouble. Still not sure that she was the best choice to take with you given her habit of speaking without thinking things through. Well, at least you took a rogue with you, even if it was not yours truly. Do write back and at least give me some news of things, otherwise I may have to resort to reading reports again. Of course, who knows when this message will reach you given that I am relying on a bird to somehow find your party and deliver the message to you and not some random stranger._

_Yours,  
Varric _

Kilian read the letter for a second time and then a third. His bed. The handsome dwarf had asked about using his bed. Was he trying to read for something that wasn’t there? Was it just the usual humor of the storyteller or was it suggesting at something more? Laying the letter aside on his pillow, he unlaced his boots and tugged them off. Wriggling his toes he let out a sigh of contentment before swinging his legs up onto the cot and laying on his back. 

Picking up the letter, he began to read it again. Varric missed him. While he specifically said it was his humor, he did indicate there were other things he missed as well. Then there was the signature. Yours. Nothing else, no your friend, your companion, just simply ‘yours’. He could picture him sitting at the little desk in his room, firelight sparking red off his hair. The soft curl of hair on his exposed chest, the golden necklace heavy about his neck. 

An image of the man poised above him, rocking gently, that familiar chain swinging slightly, gleaming in firelight drew a low moan of want from his throat. He slid a hand down over the planes of his own chest, across his abdomen and to the waistband of his trousers. “Inquisitor?” a voice called out and shattered the spell. 

“Andraste’s flaming tits,” Kilian hissed low as he sat up, laying the letter aside and swinging his legs off the cot. “Enter,” he called out gruffly. 

“Report sir,” the officer said ducking into his tent and holding papers out to him. He half wanted to strangle the man as he stood in the entrance to the tent holding bits of paper out to him. It wasn’t his fault though and he really should have been answering the letter anyway, not fantasizing about it’s author. 

“Yes, thank you Jim. It is Jim isn’t it?” he asked trying to be polite as he took the papers handed to him. Well, even if the man had not started nodding his head rather enthusiastically, the broad grin on his face would have answered the question. 

“It is indeed! I am honored that you remember me Your Grace!” the young man squeaked out. 

“I try to remember the names of as many as I can. You have brought me reports several times. Oh, would you see if Lady Montilyet is available? I should like to speak with her if she can spare a few moments,” Kilian requested. For some reason, he thought that perhaps the man looked slightly crestfallen but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. 

“As you desire. Good evening Inquisitor,” Jim replied before scurrying out of the tent. Running his fingers through his dark hair, Kilian grabbed the slippers that were by his bed and slid his feet in, making his way to the little desk that was sat to the side. Personally, he would have been fine traveling with little more than the clothes on his back and a tent to at least afford a place to sleep out of the rain. 

With that said, apparently, they could not arrive in Orlais looking like paupers. If they wanted to succeed they needed to make a good impression on the court. He still was not sure why they couldn’t just tell Celene about the threat rather than joining in the Game themselves. Leliana and Josephine had both said that was not a course of action they could follow. Why did the damn Orlesians have to make everything so damn complicated? Just get straight to the point and stop dancing around in the shadows. It seemed much simpler in his mind anyway. 

Even as much as he might dislike the path they had to take, he knew it was necessary. If Orlais fell to Corypheus then ground would be lost that they could not afford to lose. The future he had glimpsed with Dorian was not one he wanted to see come to pass. He was deep in thought when he heard a polite cough and lifted his head up to find the dark haired ambassador stood before him. 

“Inquisitor, how may I be of service?” she asked as she looked at him. 

“Ah, I apologize Lady Montilyet. I was lost in thought there. I am still trying to figure this all out to be honest. Anyway, I received a letter from Varric and thought you might want to know, the bath you ordered should be arriving soon,” he said with a smile, hoping to give her some news that might brighten her day a little. 

“Oh! That is. . . I was. . oh. . . you were not supposed to. How did he? Oh, the builders must have sent word they would be arriving with it and he thought. . . I had intended for it to be a surprise for you when we returned. Now that you know however, surprise,” the woman said, flushing slightly. 

“I thought it was for you. I did not realize .. . oh, I mentioned wanting a long bath before and you said you would see what could be arranged and so you did, didn’t you? Josephine, thank you! It will be a wonderful surprise when we get back. Honestly, I do not know where we would be without you. I know Varric misses your attention to the daily details of life at Skyhold,” Kilian said with a warm smile at her. 

“I do what I can for the Inquisition. I am curious though, you and Varric seem close, is there something between you?” came the question. While it was posed innocently enough, it seemed his interest in the man had not gone unnoticed. He wasn’t even sure how to respond to that one in truth. As much as he might want there to be something, there was not. 

“We are good friends. There is nothing more between him and myself than with anyone else. I am afraid there is no one I have anything with. Saving Thedas seems to make such things a bit problematic,” he said with a chuckle. 

“Ah, I rather thought there might be something. He is very fond of you. When you came back from Adamant, he was genuinely distressed. I believe he and Hawke had a disagreement if you are curious. I do not think you need to face your trials alone,” the ambassador said with a slight smile. 

“Yes, well he is a good friend. As are all of you if I am honest. I do not stand alone, I stand with all of you and that certainly gives me an advantage. Now, go get some rest and pray that the rain stops,” Kilian advised. As he got to his feet to escort her out of the tent, he heard a loud crash followed by shouts. 

“Stay here!” the warrior shouted before grabbing up his sword and rushing out into the rain. His slippers slid in the mud and he followed the sound of raised voices towards the edge of camp. One of the tents was down and a rather angry bear was spinning, swiping it’s massive paw at the soldiers that had surrounded it. 

“Inquisitor!” came the shout from Cassandra as she turned towards him. It was only a moment before the impact hit him and he tumbled over, rolling to his feet and turning to face the bear that had charged out of woods at him. His ribs were sore but nothing seemed broken anyway. The bear roared a challenge and Kilian roared right back, which seemed to startle the bear for a moment. A moment was all he needed though and he charged forward, sword raised. 

The blow came down across the massive animals face, laying flesh open across the jaw and blinding it in one eye. Shouts were all around then as more soldiers appeared to deal with the pair of bears. The sound of blades sliding free of scabbards and arrows striking their target with a soft thud. The bear reared up and Kilian charged forward, his blade burying deep in the beast. It gave a final roar and collapsed forward on him, pinning him beneath its weight, the claws digging into his thigh. 

There were muffled shouts and then after what seemed like an eternity of being trapped beneath the crushing weight, flickering light of fires sputtering in the rain. Kilian drew in a sharp breath, lungs flooding with sweet air once again as the bear was rolled off him. “Get a potion!” “Don’t move him!” “Inquisitor!” the shouts all came at once. 

“I’m alright, just get me up. Is everyone alright?!” he rasped out before coughing. He made a face and swiped at his tongue, making a gagging noise as he pulled coarse hair from his mouth. A vial was pressed to his lips and he drank down the health potion without complaint. 

“Just one other injury My Lord. One of the scouts took a rather nasty bite. He is being tended now as well,” someone to his left said. 

“That was a rather rude awakening. How are you Inquisitor?” came the familiar voice of Cassandra. 

“Well enough. Set watches and make sure there is no food in the camp. It will only serve to attract more bears. I think that is quite enough excitement for the night however. Hopefully it is not a sign of things to come,” Kilian responded as he was helped to his feet. 

“Indeed. I fear that Orlais will be worse. At least the bears want to outright kill you. The Game, it is more subtle and far more deadly. I would prefer the bears,” Cassandra responded with her usual tone, drawing a chuckle from Kilian.

“I think I would as well. Get some rest Seeker,” he said and clasp a hand on her shoulder. 

“I will sleep when this is over with,” she responded before turning away to see to the clean up. Kilian shook his head and gave a chuckle before turning and limping his way back to his own tent. Pushing the flap aside, he stepped inside wearily. 

“Shit!” he exclaimed, nearly slipping in his muddy slippers as he almost ran into Josephine. “Sorry about that. Just bears and mud and shoes,” he said as he caught himself and moved past the woman. 

“Ah, well if that is all then it must a Tuesday. Goodnight Inquisitor,” she responded before slipping out and leaving him once again alone in his tent. Dropping into the chair at his desk, he wiped mud from his face with a cloth and pulled out a piece of parchment before dipping his quill in the ink. 

_Varric,_

_I have no doubt that Skyhold still stands and I imagine it will be standing long after you and I are but memories. Besides that, I left her in good hands Certainly the most skilled anyway._

_As for the bed and my room, the door is always open to you. The tub when it arrives though, that I want to try out first. Apparently, it was to be a surprise from Lady Montilyet. One I could more than use right about now. At least when I get to the Winter Palace, I will have a chance at a bath. So far the trip has been rain, mud, shoes and bears. In that order actually._

_Presently, I am covered in a liberal coating of mud thanks to a rather ornery pair of bears that decided to crash the campsite. No major injuries from what I understand, aside from to the bears anyway. Took a little tumble with one myself and got a mouthful of fur. Let me tell you, wet bear is worse than the smell of wet dog._

_We should be arriving in the next few days and with any luck, I will be back on the road to return. We can arrange that game of Wicked Grace and glass of brandy when I am back. After all, you are never more alive than when you are about to lose your pants, or so you told me once._

_As for letters getting to me, just keep trusting in Baron Plucky. That bird, as mean as he can be, always seems to find where he needs to be. By the time this reaches you however, I should be in Halamshiral. Wish me luck and don’t stop missing me and my humor. Gives me a reason to hurry home._

_Yours,_  
Kilian  
X 

The X at the bottom was hastily scrawled and could easily be mistaken for little more than a scratch of the quill as he finished. Though, he hoped that the dwarf might read the subtle meaning in it, the implied affection. Josephine had perhaps hinted there was something more and so he dared to hope. 

Sealing the letter, he rolled it up tightly and wrapped it in the wax covering and made his way to the tent flap, placing it in the hands of a messenger who would see it handed to Leliana so it might make it’s way back home.


	4. A Warm Welcome Home

At least the trip home had less rain, mud and bears. Far more shoes though, a whole trunk full of them in fact. It seemed anyone and everyone knew of Leliana’s interest in them and had gifted her a pair during their stay. Listening to the conversation between The Seeker and The Spymaster though had set Kilian laughing so hard there had been tears rolling down his cheeks. He had made it a point to tell Cassandra that he would be sure that she got a few pairs as well. 

The look she had shot him could have frozen beer and yet, there had been a slight flush on her cheeks. She was far too practical to wear anything with lace and pearls, but that didn’t mean she shouldn’t have a new pair of boots perhaps. He would make sure she got them after they got back and he would be sure to keep Leliana far, far away from the discussion or a bit of lace might sneak its way into the design. 

Cullen had represented the Inquisition well, made quite the impression on several ladies in fact. If the man had not left with half a dozen marriage proposals, he would have been surprised indeed. All in all, the result was that another of Corypheus’ plots failed and peace, or at least relative peace had been brought to Orlais. It was Orlais after all, so peace was temporary at best as far as he could tell. Still, it had been successful, Briala and Celene were reunited and Gaspard was dealt with severely by the Empress. Not that Kilian had minded seeing the weasel get his due, it was more that they were all guilty of one thing or another. 

Still, as he passed through the gates of Skyhold, it felt like coming home. Many of the companions who had not traveled came down to greet them, there was one notable absence however. Varric was not among those who came to welcome him back, which was perhaps a little surprising and maybe even left him feeling a little disappointed. He had been looking forward to seeing the storyteller again pretty much since he had left Skyhold. There were dozens of letters he had written and then not sent, most of which contained an admission of his true feelings. Now though, he was glad he had not sent them and made a fool of himself. 

Climbing the stairs to his room silently, he was looking forward to pulling his boots off and dropping onto his own bed to sleep. As he climbed the stairs, he heard a very familiar voice echoing down and it caused him to pause for a moment. Varric was in his room and talking with someone? Standing silently as he listened, her realized it was not someone else, but rather himself the dwarf was talking to. Moving silently up the stairs, he found Varric, pacing, facing away from him as he strode across the room. 

“Trevelyan, no to impersonal. Inquisitor, even worse. Your Inquisitorialness, sounds like I am speaking in jest. My heart? No. . .too much,” Varric mumbled to himself and then turned, “Kilian!”

“Well, finally got to my name anyway. How are you Varric?” he asked as he made his way into the room. 

Was Varric actually blushing? Surely it was just the glow cast from the fire that crackled in the hearth. Now that he looked around the room actually, there was a fire in the hearth, a deck of cards sat on a little table, two glasses and what looked to be a bottle of very good Antivan brandy. 

“Bored. I have been incredibly bored without you here. Care to take your boots off and sit for a game of Wicked Grace by the fire?” Varric asked as he moved towards the chairs. 

“With you? Anytime but I will only take my boots off if you take yours off too,” Kilian teased as he moved towards one of the chairs. 

To his surprise, Varric gave a shrug of his shoulders an sat down, tugging his boots off and stretching his legs out towards the fire, legs crossed at the ankles. It was hard not to sprint the rest of the way to the chair if he were honest. He kept his eyes on the other man as he sat down and unlaced the knee high boots, pulling them off and setting them to the side. 

“Better? Glass of brandy?” Varric asked as he started pouring for them both. 

“Much and what is the occasion?” he found himself asking as he leaned forward, taking up the cards and shuffling. 

“You. I mean, you are back and all and you did promise me a game of cards if I recall. I even brought the brandy since you did express that the game would be shared over a glass. Now, we get to the part where we feel alive, right?” Varric joked and gave him a wink. 

Kilian was actually right in the middle of a sip of brandy when the dwarf said that. He made a noise of surprise as he gave a laugh, ending up with the alcohol up his nose. Setting the glass down as he coughed, eyes watering, he made a gasp for air and nearly smashed his palm into his face as he tried to stop the burning sensation. 

“Easy there champ. You are supposed to drink it, not breath it. You alright? Here, let me get that,” the familiar voice said as he found Varric stood at his side, gently dabbing his face with a cloth. 

Kilian felt the blush sweep up the back of his neck and heat pooled in his belly. Varric was close to him, those warm eyes of his looking at him in concern. He could smell the warmth of his skin, a mix of bay rum, vetiver, wood smoke and musk. It caused his breath to hitch in his throat and for a second, their eyes met. 

“Thanks, good advice. Should have told me sooner though,” Kilian said at last, the spell that had held them both captive breaking. 

It earned him a chuckle from the man and he felt a tingle run down his spine and straight to his. . . he really should not think about that. The way he had stepped close, the gentle touch as he had helped to clean the brandy off. The scent of him, the firelight in his hair, Maker preserve him, he was going to land himself in a heap of trouble at this rate. Bianca, he only needed to remind himself of the woman and all previous thoughts fled. There was no point in lusting after the man, no point in even secretly dreaming of it. 

“Well, then how about you deal the cards and we see who wins, shall we?” Varric asked him as he made his way back to the chair and sat down. 

Deciding that words were probably not a wise choice as he couldn’t be sure of what sound might actually come out of his mouth, Kilian simply nodded and began to deal the cards. His own blue eyes glancing now and again at Varric as he sat, half reclining in the chair and sipping at the glass of brandy. Andraste’s tits he was handsome, sparks of gold in his hair. A soft noise in the back of his throat drew the other man’s attentions and he flushed again. 

Thankfully, Varric said nothing about it and they began playing. There was a small pile of coin forming as they placed their bets, discarding and drawing new cards as they went. Varric had that telltale smirk, the one that pulled to the left when he was bluffing. Or at least when Kilian thought he was bluffing. No, he was pretty sure his mouth pulled ever so slightly to the right when he had a good hand. It had taken three games to spot it, but now he was fairly certain he had his tell. 

“Alright then, let’s see who is about to lose their pants,” Varric said. 

“Well that entirely depends on why the pants are being lost,” Kilian shot back, the brandy having loosened his tongue a little. 

There was a pause as Varric looked at him, those warm brown eyes of his seeming to look into his soul. Nothing was said, no words but he saw him move ever so slightly towards him. Maker but he could see the rapid pulse of his heart in his neck, the slight hitch of his breath. Was he imagining it? Was Varric hoping he would say something else? A log on the fire gave a loud pop and they both jumped a little. Laying his hand down, Kilian smirked slightly at Varric as he saw the dwarf look at the cards and then back at him. 

“Well shit. I guess I am the one losing his pants,” Varric said with a chuckle and leaned in over the table towards Kilian slightly. 

All rational thought seemed to leave at that precise moment and Kilian leaned in quickly, pressing his lips against the other mans. His heart was pounding, a roaring filled his ears and to his surprise, Varric did not pull away. Not straight away anyway. Swallowing hard as the kiss was broken, he remained with his eyes closed, his heart sinking. 

“Fuck. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have and I was reading into it all wrong,” he said in a hasty rush. 

Instead of the angry response he expected, he felt strong fingers grab his hair and pull him forward. Lips were pressed to his passionately, the little table that sat between the two chairs was knocked hastily over and he was faintly aware of the sound of glass breaking. He didn’t care though! Varric was kissing him! His own hand shot out to cup the back of the other man’s head while the other slid to his waist and pulled him closer. 

It was a rather sudden and entirely pleasant sensation to find the other man pressed suddenly between his knees. His lips parted at the gentle flick of a tongue and he moaned against the mouth pressed to his own. Shuddering as calloused fingers pulled the buttons of his shirt free and slid against his skin, he gasped as Varric suddenly kissed along his jaw. 

“Maker, I’m dreaming,” Kilian murmured. 

“That could be a bit of a problem then. Pretty sure I am as well, so does that make one of us a desire demon?” the question came close to his ear. 

“Fuck it, don’t care. You could be a desire demon and I wouldn’t care. I just want you Varric,” Kilian rasped huskily. 

He slid his hands down the muscled back to press against the firm, rounded back side of the other man. There was a moan of pleasure against the hollow of his throat followed by more kisses, hot and full of need that moved along his neck and to his collarbone as the shirt was pushed from him. His fingers were entwined in the red-gold strands, pulling Varric closer as if they could actually merge. 

“Kilian,” Varric murmured before bringing his lips back up over his own. 

The kiss sent shockwaves of desire coursing through him. He almost didn’t even notice the man pulling him to his feet at first. Not until Varric broke the kiss off and stepped back from him, fingers entwining with his and leading him from the spot before the fire towards the bed. 

“Varric, this is what I want, more than anything but, are we going a little to fast here? I don’t want to share you,” he said in a husky voice stopping just before the bed. 

“No sharing. Promise,” Varric responded. 

“Not now, I realize that but this is. . . Andraste’s tits, I have dreamed of this, of you in my bed and my arms, dreamed of being pinned beneath you and have woken in a cold sweat alone. Now that you are here, it is just that you are drunk, I am drunk,” he started. 

“It is ok. You want to take it slow and be sure. I have time. Dinner? Tomorrow?” Varric asked as he lifted Kilian’s hand to his lips and placed a kiss on the knuckles. 

“Yes, tomorrow,” he finally responded. 

Kilian stood transfixed as he watched Varric make his way back to the chairs and right the little table before picking up his boots and making his way from the room. He was not exactly sure how long he stood there replaying the whole thing over in his mind but eventually, he dropped down on the bed and ground the palms of his hands against his eyes. 

“You complete and utter idiot. He was right here and what did you do? You panicked, that’s what. No, no, he was drunk, I was drunk. I made the right choice for now. If he is still interested sober, well then if you put a stop to it then, you really are an idiot. Maker, the man I dream about was quite literally leading me to bed and my conscience just had to pick that moment to speak up. Your own fault that your balls ache,” he grumbled as he flopped back to lay on the bed.


	5. An Unexpected Arrival

“We have reports of rifts in Emprise du Lion, it could be beneficial for us to investigate them. There are also some reports of Red Templars in the area, which given what we know of Corypheus, we should look into that. Have somewhere else you wish to be Inquisitor?” Cassandra asked. 

“Yes. Not the elsewhere, to the we should look into the red lyrium. Sorry, my thoughts are a bit jumbled,” Kilian replied and rubbed his palm over his face. 

He had not been focused on things again. He had already gone over this with Cullen and Leliana and was mostly just following up with Cassandra. He usually took her with him on most missions and considered her a friend in truth. Getting her input on things had become important to him, especially since she fought at his side so often. 

“Alright, out with it. What is it that is bothering you,” Cassandra said as she leaned against the table and looked at him level look. 

She was not one to beat around the bush in general and he knew her well enough to know that she would not simply let the matter go. How could he explain it without saying too much? Everything had happened so fast and then he had put a stop to it. He was fairly certain that the evening would have ended in a tangle of sheet and limbs if he hadn’t. The thought of that first kiss still made his lips tingle. 

“I have feelings for someone. Very strong feelings actually and up until recently, I had believed that they were unavailable. Now though, I am not sure. We shared a moment, a kiss, that I can’t stop thinking about. The problem is, I don’t know if it was because he feels the same way or if it was a spur of the moment thing,” he said as he roughly ran his fingers through his dark hair. 

“Ah. You are in love with Varric then. Well, when is is not being a lying little shit, he is rather likable, I will give him that. I suppose the question you must ask, is it worth it, even if it is only a moment?” Cassandra asked as she folded her arms and leaned back in her chair. 

“That obvious is it?” Kilian asked and felt a flush creep up his neck. 

“You stare at him often enough when you think no one is looking and you spend a great deal of time in his company. That does not answer the question however,” The Seeker countered. 

“I spend a great deal of time in your company as well you know,” he rebuffed, trying to divert the topic away from a question he was not sure he could answer. 

“That is true, we do spend time together and I once had the Commander ask me what was going on between us. With that being said, I do not look at you in that manner and neither do you look at me that way. There is a difference in how we interact. I would consider you a friend but nothing more.” 

“We are friends Cassandra. You are right though, I do not look at you the same way. Possibly because you might actually kill me if I even suggested it,” he replied with a chuckle. 

“Since I have no interest in bedding you, I might indeed kill you if you tried. We are not discussing my love life, or lack thereof. We are in fact discussing yours.” 

Lack thereof was certainly the right way to describe it. Rubbing his hand over his face Kilian let out a groan and then slumped forward and rest with his head on the table. He was supposed to have dinner with Varric later on and he was half excited, half worried about what would actually happen when he got there. A part of him wanted to forget entirely about food and drag the handsome dwarf to bed. The more rational side though argued that he needed to know it was not a momentary thing. 

“Oh, there is a lack of. Makers hairy ass, I can’t just bed him. I want to, the Maker knows I do, but there are complications,” he replied without lifting his head. 

“Complications? What is so complicated about it? He likes you and you like him,” Cassandra responded and set a glass of something on the table beside his head. 

Kilian lifted he head up and picked up the glass, tossing it back and coughing as the liquid burned it’s way down his throat. Blinking to clear the blur in his eyes as the watered, he gave himself a firm thump on the chest before speaking. “Bianca.” 

“Ah, you are worried about coming between him and the crossbow. Well, he may sleep with that contraption in his bed but I doubt it is near as warm as you. Take a chance Inquisitor, he cares for you,” she replied, a grin pulling at one side of her mouth as she watched him. 

“Could have warned me it was brandy. Alright. I am having dinner with him tonight so we will see where it leads. Now, can we get back to worrying about rifts and red lyrium?” 

She said nothing but nodded her head and leaned back over the map he had brought. They had a solid plan, or at least as solid as anything could be. This was easier in so many ways. This he could look at the problem and simply march in sword drawn and set things right. With Varric, it was not so easy, was it? If it was only a momentary thing, was he ok with that? Could he live with being a place of refuge for the other man? Was it the situation they were in that had drawn the dwarf to kiss him? There were no immediate answers so he was simply going to have to wait and see. He decided though that if the offer came up again, he was not about to turn it away a second time. 

As day turned into evening, Kilian found himself trying to get ready for dinner. He stood before the mirror in his room turning back and forth as he tried to settle on what to wear. In the end, he had gone for simple breeches and a blue doublet. The color was flattering and the cut of the fabric showed off his defined physic rather well. There might have been some consideration given to how easy it was to get off in addition to the look of it. Since there seemed little point in delaying, he made his way quickly down the stairs and then on to the room that Varric occupied. 

Knocking on the door, he bounced lightly on the balls of his feet, arms folded behind his back. He heard the click of the door latch and smiled as it was swung open, warm light pouring into the hallway. As he stood there though looking in, his heart crashed down to his feet and shattered. 

“Bianca!” he exclaimed as he saw the woman standing there, a smug smile on her lips. 

“Inquisitor. I have some questions for you. I did warn you that if anything happened to Varric, I would feed you your own eyeballs. Care to explain what is going on?” she asked him as she stood with a hand on her hip. 

“Uhh. . . explain? I. . . don’t know what you mean. Where is Varric?” he asked as he looked past her into the room. 

“Oh, he is around here somewhere. I show up looking for him because his letters have stopped and I arrive to find he is expecting company only he will not tell me who. It would seem he was expecting you then. So, what have you done that he has stopped writing to me?” she demanded. 

His mouth felt dry and his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. Varric had stopped writing to her? When had that happened? Did it mean that the other man was no longer involved with her? Did he want something more serious then? His heart was pounding as he considered the possibilities. 

“Well? Are you just going to stand there blinking or are you going to answer?” the woman’s irritated voice broke through his thoughts. 

“I have not done anything with him Bianca. He is free to write or not write to you as he pleases. Yes, we were to have dinner this evening. I do not see how that is any concern of yours however. Don’t you have a husband after all?” Kilian quipped, finding himself growing more irritated with the woman. 

“I do not see where my husband is any concern of yours. It was an arranged marriage and I have known Varric for far longer than you ever will,” she countered, folding her arms. 

Kilian was about to respond when he heard footsteps rushing down the hallway and turned to find Varric rounding the corner. Their eyes met and he saw the color drain from the dwarfs face as he realized that he was stood at an already open door. So, Varric knew that Bianca was within the keep and in his room. He let out a slow breath as he watched the other man approach. 

“I had just come to find you and tell you that Bianca had arrived and we would need to postpone,” Varric said as he tried to smile. 

It was clearly an uncomfortable smile and had been forced for the sake of appearances. So, it would seem it had been a momentary thing and this was where the man’s heart truly lay. His throat felt tight but Kilian managed a nod of understanding. 

“No worries at all. You and I can have dinner any time we like. There are only so many opportunities for you to speak with her. I will bid you both goodnight then,” he managed to get out as he turned to make his way back to his room. 

“Wait! I said postpone, not cancel. I just need a little bit of time to catch up with her. I still want dinner with you after she leaves,” Varric called out to him, rushing forward and curling his fingers around Kilian’s wrist. 

“What?!” Bianca called out in surprise. 

Kilian turned to look at him, completely baffled by the request for a moment. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth though as he saw the man looking up, his warm, brown eyes almost pleading. Glancing towards where Bianca stood with her arms folded, if looks could kill, he would have dropped dead. 

“I will be in my quarters then, come and let me know when you are ready to get dinner in the tavern. It is still early yet, so I don’t mind waiting a bit,” he responded before lightly tugging his wrist free. 

Turning, Kilian drew a shaky breath as he started to make his way down the hallway. He could hear the raised voices behind him before the door to Varric's room shut. Well, now all he had to do was wait and see what happened. They had a long history together and he knew that Varric had carried a torch for the woman for years. They occasionally met up it seemed and kept in contact through letters. It seemed more one sided though, with Bianca just liking the attention. Of course, that could just have been wishful thinking on his part. 

Making his way up the stairs to his quarters, he went straight to his desk and poured himself a rather large brandy. He downed the first one, poured a second and downed it as well. After pouring the third, he picked up the glass and headed towards the bed. He got halfway there before turning back to the desk and retrieving the bottle. Sitting both down on the little table, he sat heavily on the edge of the bed. Resting his elbows on his knees, he buried his face in his hands and let out a muffled groan of frustration. Raking his fingers roughly through his dark hair he sat up and reached for the glass, taking a slow sip this time.


	6. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW, intimate scenes depicted.

It was dark when Kilian came to, the room bathed in the cold blue light that reflected from the moonlit snow that blanketed the mountains around them. He turned his head slightly towards the table where both glass and bottle sat empty. Well, it seemed that his dinner plans had been completely ruined by the arrival of one Bianca Davri. It seemed quite probable that her arrival had trampled the bud of interest that had been forming between them, given that it was dark and he was alone, splayed on his bed with his feet hanging of the side. 

He lay still for a moment, simply breathing when he became aware of a gentle tugging at his boot laces. Perhaps he was merely dreaming but no, someone lifted his foot and slid the boot off neatly. Had he shown up after all? 

“Varric?” he croaked out, his voice hoarse as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. 

Instead of the handsome face of the dwarven rogue, he found himself looking at the innocent young face of Cole. The young man was stood there, looking rather startled himself as he let go of his foot. 

“Spinning, everything is spinning and inside it hurts but it shouldn’t. He did come but it was too late. So, I came to help,” the voice came softly. 

“Ohh, yeah everything is spinning a bit,” Kilian replied and pressed a palm against his forehead. 

“No, not that spinning, spinning inside. You think she broke it but she didn’t. He came but was embarrassed. You should go to him,” Cole said softly as he tugged the other boot off. “Maybe when the you stop spinning you will see.” 

“Basically, when I am not drunk, go find Varric and bare my soul to him?” Kilian asked. 

“Yes! You understand! Most people do not understand when I try to help them. It is difficult, everything all knotted together,” he mumbled in response. 

“Well, the meandering makes a bit more sense when I am drunk, I think. I wonder why that is.” 

“Because you don’t think so hard to make sense of it. It is complicated and messy and when you think about it, the knots only get tighter. There are some things you just need to feel. I should go now, I do not think you will need me just now,” Cole said and moved away towards the stairs and disappeared silently down them. 

Kilian lay back on the bed with a groan and draped his arm over his face, covering his eyes from the blue light that flooded the room. The silence was blissful and he drifted for a moment, floating in it as he tried not to think about things. He heard the soft shuffle of feet on the stairs and then across the carpet towards him. He felt fingers curl around his ankles and he let out a sigh. 

“Cole,” he said as he threw his arm away from his face and looked down the length of his body. 

Instead of Cole, this time he was faced with Varric, his face appearing from between his knees, looking rather startled as well. The other man let go suddenly of his ankles and dropped his feet back down to the floor. 

“Not exactly the name I would want to hear you call out from bed,” Varric said as he rubbed at the back of his neck and turned his head slightly. Spotting the empty glass and bottle on the bed side table, he looked back at Kilian suddenly, “Tell me you didn’t drink that alone and that you were not teaching the kid to drink.” 

“Unfortunately yes to the former and no to the latter. I thought I would just sit down with a glass while I waited for you. It apparently turned into what was left in the bottle. It wasn’t full when I started mind you but I might feel a bit less drunk of I had been sharing with Cole. No, he came to help. I thought he had come back to continue helping,” Kilian responded. 

“Ah, sorry about the wait. Bianca was,” Varric started to say. 

“Here. It is ok. You don’t have to try and explain it to me. You have a long history together and that doesn’t just go away. I know how you feel about her and I,” Kilian started to say, his own cheeks flushing. 

He hesitated to say that he would not be jealous because he was in fact very much so. The last thing he wanted to do was lie to Varric and yet, he did not want him to feel guilty. Opening his mouth to finish his sentence and offer the other man the only peace he thought he could, he found warm palms sliding across his cheeks to tangle in his hair and pull him forward. Lips pressed to his suddenly, the light flick of a tongue against the edges of his mouth and he gave a soft moan. Just as he parted his lips though, Varric pulled back. 

“I sent her away. As you said, we have a long history but it is just that, history. I do not want to live in the shadows of my past anymore Kilian. I am in love with you and have been for some time, I just wasn’t sure I was ready to give up what was familiar,” the dwarf explained, a thumb brushing against the other man’s cheek. 

That was all Kilian needed to hear. He put his arms suddenly about the other man and pressed his lips against the other man’s in a heated and passionate kiss. Tongues lightly touched and danced against one another sensually. Hands skimmed over his back, coming to rest against the small of his back and pulling him forward slightly. Scooting forward at the gentle pressure, he parted his knees, letting his legs slide against Varric’s hips. The moan against his mouth sent a shudder of pleasure through him and heat pooled in his belly. 

Kilian moved his hands to the buttons on Varric’s shirt, slowly unfastening them and then sliding his hands up over the muscled chest, the thatch of red-gold hair tickling against his palms. Strong fingers worked at the fastenings of his own shirt and as a warm hand slid up over his chest to push the shirt away, he broke of the kiss with a gasp. 

As he threw his head back, lips were pressed to his throat and down over his collar bone. Teeth scraped lightly at his skin, teasing, and hands explored his back. His own hands moved to explore the Varrics back. Trailing down his spine he let his fingers brush against the waistband of his trousers. Moving his hands around Varric’s sides and to the ties on his trousers, he began to tug the laces free, his hands shaking. With the ties loosened, he carefully slid his hand down over the man’s abdomen, fingers brushing against the coarse curls and he splayed his hand flat, palm pressing against warm skin. 

“Varric, tell me to stop. I know I should,” he murmured as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the side of the dwarfs neck. 

“Not this time. You have haunted my dreams long enough and I would know you,” Varric responded, his voice rasping with desire. 

With those words of encouragement ringing in his ears, he pressed his hand further down, fingers touching against smooth skin and then moving to curl around the hardened shaft. Rocking his hips forward, he gave a low moan as his own want pressed against Varric. His palm slid along the length and back down, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Kilian could feel Varric working the ties of his trousers loose and when the man tugged at them, he lifted his hips obligingly. 

“I have dreamed of you as well. I am still not entirely sure I am not dreaming now,” Kilian murmured as he lay back on the bed, legs still dangling over the sides and his feet on the floor. 

“Not dreaming, or at least I am hoping we are both not dreaming. You have any. . . ahem . . oil?” Varric asked him as he placed his hands on his knees and slid them slowly up his thighs. 

“Makers balls! What? Oil . . oh, uhh, bedside table in the uhh, drawer,” Kilian stammered out. 

Varric moved away from him and Kilian sat up and started to shift up onto the bed, when the dwarf looked at him and shook his head slightly. “Stay where you are for a moment more,” he instructed. 

Nodding mutely, he sat on the edge of his bed and watched as the dwarf made his way to the little table beside the bed and opened the drawer to retrieve the vial of oil. The cold, blue light gleamed on his skin, outlining his toned physique and soft thatch of hair on his chest. His trousers were loose and resting on his hips. His eyes trailed down the line of hair at his abdomen to where it vanished beneath the cloth. The dwarfs interest was rather obvious as he turned and made his way back, with the vial in his hands. Licking his lips as he approached, Kilian scooted a little closer to the edge of the bed and held his hand out to him. Varric immediately placed his hand in his and moved towards him, stopping in front of him and leaning against his knees. 

Their eyes were locked on one another, gazing in silence for a moment. It was Varric that moved first, leaning forward and curling his fingers at the edge of Kilian’s small clothes and tugging them down. Pressing his heels against the floor, he put his hands on the bed behind him and lifted his hips up. Fabric brushed against his hardened cock and slid down over his hips. Fingers brushed against his thighs as they were pulled down and he lifted his feet up as the touch moved down to his ankles. 

He was completely naked before Varric and he gave a slight shudder, feeling the gaze that raked over him. He flushed and moved a hand to his lap self consciously, his heart pounding in his ears. He was sure the other man could hear it. Varric moved slowly, placing his hands on his knees and pushing them slowly apart as he moved in between his thighs. Strong hands slid up the inside of his thighs, pushing gently. Kilian let out a moan as the head of his shaft touched on the muscled abdomen of the other man and was quickly silenced by a passionate kiss. 

Gasping as the kisses moved from his lips and down his throat, he made a strangled noise as Varric moved lower, kneeling at the side of the bed. The dwarf looked up at him for a moment, grinning that cocky soft of half smile of his before bending his head forward. Lips brushed against the sensitive head and Kilian gasped, hips twitching up. Reaching out to touch him, he let his fingers slide into the thick, silky strands of his hair, moving to tug the tie free that kept the dwarfs hair clubbed at the base of his neck. 

As Varric, flicked his tongue firmly at the sensitive spot just at the tip, he arched his back, fingers tangling in his hair. His balls tightened and a quiver ran through his thighs as the man drew him into his mouth. Clutching at the bedsheets, he pressed his heels hard against the floor as Varric began to bob his head slowly up and down his length. 

“Makers hairy ass, faster,” he gasped out at the torturously slow pace. 

If he didn’t know better, he would have sworn Varric chuckled at that but all thought was lost as a tongue swirled around the head of his cock before drawing on him and sliding back down his length quickly. He pressed his hips forward slightly and felt a hand move up his thigh before lightly cupping his balls. A thick finger teased at him, slick with oil, and he made a low sound of want in his throat, pressing his hips down. Fisting the sheets in his hand, he arched his back as the finger was pushed slowly into him. 

“Varric!” he shouted out, his voice raw and hoarse with desire. 

The other man gave a low hum around him, the vibration rumbling through him sending pulses of pleasure through his body. He splayed his legs a bit wider, rocking slightly onto the finger that stretched him, moaning in wanton lust. His knees felt weak and it took everything he had not to thrust up into the warm, wet mouth that was bringing him such pleasure. Varric pulled away with a soft pop and Kilian let out a gasp arching up towards him. 

“Varric, please,” he called out, his voice shaking. 

Varric stood though and pressed his palms against his thighs to steady him. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as he slid his hands away and hooked his thumbs into his trousers and smalls, lowering them both together and kicking them away. He paused for a moment to pick up the bottle of oil, pouring some into his palm as he stepped towards Kilian. Watching as the dwarf slicked the oil along his cock he gave a low moan. When Varric moved once again between his knees, he sat forward and brought his mouth down over the other mans. Slick hands slid about his waist pulling him forward slightly. He moved closer, reaching between them to coil his fingers around the thick shaft. He pumped his palm along the slick length, drawing a moan of pleasure from Varric. 

“Lean back a little,” Varric instructed and pressed his hips forward slightly. 

Placing his hands behind himself on the bed, Kilian leaned back as he was asked. He gasped as Varric moved forward, pressing himself slowly into him. He threw his head back panting as he felt strong hands move to grasp his hips. He stretched around the other man as he slid home within him. They both began to move, slightly awkward at first as they tried to find one anothers rhythm. Strong fingers dug slightly into his hips as they began to move together, slowly at first. 

Varric took hold of his cock and began to stroke him with the same pace at which their hips came together. He was already close and trembling. Fisting the sheets he arched his back as his body shuddered and he broke, his release slick on his own abdomen. Waves of pleasure coursed through his body as Varric pumped in and out of him. He heard the other man cry out and felt him shudder against him as he ground his hips forward. They were both quiet, the only sound in the room that of their rapid breathing. 

Shifting slightly as Varric withdrew from him, Kilian sat forward and rest his elbows on his knees. He was full of a thousand things to say and yet no words with which to say any of it. Varric made his way across the room and to the little wash basin that stood on a table and poured a little water on a cloth and cleaned himself up, before making his way back over and extending the cloth out to Kilian. 

“I did not come here to,” Varric started and ran his hand through his hair almost roughly. 

“I am glad you did though. This, this is what I have wanted for so long and thought it was not possible. Even if all you had ever offered me was friendship, I would have taken it,” Kilian said after wiping himself up and setting the cloth to the side. 

“That poem, the one you found in my room, it was for you. I wrote it for you,” Varric admitted suddenly. 

“When hearts unbend then? My heart is yours Varric, if you will have it, if you are ready,” Kilian said softly as he held a hand out to the other man. 

“Yes, when hearts unbend. I am ready,” came the quiet reply. 

“Then stay,” Kilian said moving back onto the bed and guiding Varric to follow him. 

They lay, side by side, arms about one another and hearts beating with hope. The soft silvery light that filled the room was soothing, pulling them both down into sleep and dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fanfic, so please, be gentle. With that said, I hope that you have enjoyed reading. A very special thank you to my friends who gave me the writing prompt and put up with all of my whining and writers block.


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